May 18th, 2008

Time: 12:20 pm Current Mood: happy

"cor te reducit".... The heart leads you back...and it always does. Going to the Yankee game today with Giner and gunna meet up with Matt. :)

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May 12th, 2008

Time: 06:24 pm Current Mood: accomplished

It's weird how something so heart-breaking can bring on something so good. I guess once you hit rock bottom the only way really to go is up....I can finally breathe now, and it feels great!

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April 21st, 2008

Subject: Wonderful. Time: 06:46 pm Current Mood: Fucking Awesome

I have found a new sense of...something. I dont know what it is but I feel fucking great, I really do. I wish I could have felt this awesome my entire life.

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March 31st, 2008

Time: 10:52 am Current Mood: I'm Trying

So many things have changed, it's kinda like my whole life is different. I have a new job, my dad is gone, jim is gone, and I don't know how I feel about any of it anymore. It's like my life turned up side down and I landed right side up. I miss my dad more than I thought I would, I'm scared to start the new job and I cant even explain what I feel about Jim anymore. I feel like everything put together broke my heart, yet, I'm still breathing and I'm still trucking on despite the fact I didn't think I could. It is all a life lesson, but I do miss my dad, I didn't think that was possible, but I guess it is.

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January 15th, 2008

Time: 05:09 pm Current Mood: blank

I really don't know why I even try anymore.

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December 9th, 2007

Time: 11:28 pm

Sometimes I feel like I picked the wrong one... [Edit] I didn't pick myself...

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November 25th, 2007

Subject: Just some thinking... Time: 12:26 pm Current Mood: crappy

I took this from a friend of mine's survey that she did and it just kinda makes me think about things.... 10. When was the first time you realized that you loved this person? When i couldn't imagine my life without him. 14. What is the best thing this person ever gave you? himself :) I'm sure those of you reading have no idea what this post means, but in my head it make sense.

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November 24th, 2007

Subject: Hello life, please go away.... Time: 07:47 pm Current Mood: confused

So while thomas was in the shower I was sitting in there having a conversation with him. He is thinking about moving out if my dad goes to Atlanta. My dad is 98% sure that he is going to Atlanta, and my mother is pushing me hard core to go down there with him, work and go to school. I dont know what i'm going to do. If I stay here, tom is gunna go and im sure liz is heading out soon too, so then what me and my mom in a 6 bedroom house? What is the sense of that? I know my mom is gunna be down in Atlanta for a while at times with my dad so them im home by myself all the time? Life is something that I dont want to think about because I have no road, no drive, well no, I have drive I just dont have anywhere to go. Im so lost, I dont know what I want to do, where I wanna live, I know I dont want to stay on LI for the rest of my life, but I dont want to be alone where I go, and if you know my life, if I went to Atlanta with my dad, I'd be alone. My mother knows I dont have a good relationship with my dad and she wants me to go 1000 miles away to live with just me and him?? Seriously? What do I have down there, no friends, no brother or sister and no mom?? Come on. Im not ready to make these decisions. Many things in my life are uncertain and I wish they werent. Im also thinking of things and people who I would want to stay for, and not move even further away than I already am, but the thing that makes me feel differently is I dont know what they are doing, and even if im a thought in that. Im to young for this and way, way to broke to be on my own.

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November 15th, 2007

Subject: ::sigh:: Time: 05:05 pm Current Mood: crushed

Carry You -Jimmy Eat World When I know I'm all alone I say your name slowly And I know that I'm alone But I carry you Does it feel good? like the memory? When you try some history It's a dream to come around The rule doesn't bend Because the taste doesn't taste the same again It's easy feeling righteous when removed All you'll get is what you want to hear It hurts because it should How else am I to make it clear? I could never be the one that you want, don't ask. Well, here's to living in the moment, 'Cause it passed. Maybe your lie is what I need sometimes You told the most, The best of anyone. You said to "keep me in your pocket" So I carried you. You better choose your words carefully Because I'm not your anything Going to stay here in my place And you'll stay in yours, because, You're only good as what your good for. I pace around the room to spend the time waiting while the burning pictures fade It's one thing to make your mind And other to say it's name I could never be the one that you want, don't ask. Well, here's to living in the moment 'Cause it passed, it passed. I'm still carrying a little hope, Maybe things could be different now Is that so wrong? Is that so wrong? Is that so...wrong? Would I see you tonight At a place we could go, Going through the motions, lead to real emotion. I want to make things right before time runs out It was like you said, The taste dont taste like it should. Roll down the windows Let the cold air come in, slap my face just to feel.. Just to feel you somehow again...again. I could never be the one that you want, don't ask. Well, here's to living in the moment 'Cause it passed. I could never be the one that you want, don't ask. Yeah, here's to living in the moment 'Cause it passed, it passed. 'Cause it passed...passed. It passed.... :|

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Time: 03:08 am Current Mood: exhausted

Stupid no sleeping.

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November 13th, 2007

Current Music: the tv Subject: Update, Update, Update Time: 11:05 pm Current Mood: cynical

I hate school...hate hate hate it, but its almost over. 33 days left till graduation. Oy. Nightmare Before Christmas - 3D : Not much to say....its a classic. 30 Days of Night: I was hesitant to see it because if you know me you know I dont like scary movies, but I went with jim. I liked it, not as scary as I thought it would be. The ending was good. You ask me how it is, I say rockey. You ask me what that means...and I have no idea. I hate how the color on my tv fades in and out when I watch a dvd...i have you've got mail on now...I watched pride and prejudice, and the wedding date yesterday...yes it is one of those weeks. There are three words that mean so much...no, it's not I love you...but it sure is close. Last Night - Motion City Soundtrack I'm still frustrated from last night Things happened at half-time, I'm sick of the bends My panic research was no help I sink into myself Afraid of the fall that never ends I wait, but I'm too tired to play pretend I suffocate until the end No time for halfhearted goodbyes, I turn on the spotlight and flee from the scene Cheap flights from Paris to Bangkok, I thought it was nonstop Can't sleep on the KLM again I haunt the halls of medicine at night Choking back the urge to fight Her cat was clawing the floorboards just outside of our door, The panic begins I searched the whole damn apartment from ceiling to carpet No sign of the things she used to own As autumn turns its back on me again I climb the walls for oxygen My body aches, it heaves, it shakes All summer sounds so caught up And I still don't know exactly who I am I never will, amen. She whispers something in my ear, the message is unclear She motions outside. I trail her closely from behind She tries hard not to cry She shakes underneath the pouring rain I can't compete with all your damn ideas This isn't working out for you and me The truth is I'm too tired to play pretend This is goodbye, this is the end.

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October 21st, 2007

Subject: I just wanna be where you are... Time: 08:42 pm Current Mood: okay

I met Trent Hunter today and I was scared to talk to him... I miss you. Alot. :\ Until Tomarrow -Paramore I Climb, I Slip, I Fall Reaching for your hands But I lay here all alone Sweating all your blood If I could find out how To make you listen now Because I'm starving for you here With my undying love and I ....I will Breathe for love tomorrow Cause there's no hope for today Breathe for love tomorrow Cause maybe theres another way I Climb, I Slip, I Fall Reaching for your hands But I Lay Here All alone Sweating all your blood If I could find out how To make you listen now Because I'm starving for you here With my undying love and I ....I Will Breathe for love tomorrow Cause there's no hope for today Breathe for love tomorrow Cause maybe theres another way Breathe for love tomorrow Cause there's no hope for today Breathe for love tomorrow Cause maybe theres another way I Climb, I Slip, I Fall Into Your Empty hands but I Lay Here All alone Sweating all your blood

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October 7th, 2007

Time: 07:18 pm Current Mood: ...

My heart hurts. :\

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October 4th, 2007

Subject: Toe Jam football... Time: 08:01 pm

I havent updated my movie seeings lately.... I saw Stardust a few weeks ago, which I absolutly loved, I think the directing was awesome. I also saw Across The Universe, I thought it was really good. The music was awesome, I just didnt think that it would revolve so much about the vietnam war and such...but it was good none the less. The only thing that I found was that it was a tad long, there were some parts they could have done with out...but it was good all around. So in the movie they did a whole scene with the song 'Come Together' but Joe Cocker was singing it, I love that version. There is only one thing that makes me confused...and that is the lyrics to the song, they make no sense what so ever. But hey, I guess that is all beatles. So I leave you with the lyrics... 'Come Together' -The Beatles Here come old flattop he come grooving up slowly He got joo-joo eyeball he one holy roller He got hair down to his knee Got to be a joker he just do what he please He wear no shoeshine he got toe-jam football He got monkey finger he shoot coca-cola He say "I know you, you know me" One thing I can tell you is you got to be free Come together right now over me He bag production he got walrus gumboot He got Ono sideboard he one spinal cracker He got feet down below his knee Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease Come together right now over me He roller-coaster he got early warning He got muddy water he one mojo filter He say "One and one and one is three" Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see Come together right now over me

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September 30th, 2007

Subject: Uh oh Time: 10:10 pm Current Mood: cold

I'm getting really far behind with all my classes and its not good....oy vey. Its pretty cold out tonight...fall is finally comming. :) Tomarrow is October 1st and im excited, I cant wait to go to the Jets game and see Jim.

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September 28th, 2007

Time: 11:24 pm Current Mood: Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you I dont care anymore Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

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September 27th, 2007

Subject: Whaat? Time: 11:31 pm Current Mood: Lonley

I havent been sleeping at all these past few weeks, maybe 4 hours a night. Its starting to bother me...I guess I have alot on my mind lately :\ I hate sleeping with the lights on. No One -Alicia Keys I just want you close Where you can stay forever You can be sure That it will only get better You and me together Through the days and nights I don’t worry ‘coz Everythings gonna be alright People keep talking They can say what they like But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I feel for you You you Can get in the way of what I feel for you When the rain is pouring down And my heart is hurting You will always be around This I know for certain You and me together Through the days and nights I don’t worry cause Everythings gonna be alright People keep talking They can say what they like But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I feel for you You you Can get in the way of what I feel for you I know some people search the world To find something like what we have I know people will try Try to divide Something so real So till the end of time I’m telling you that No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one Can get in the way of what I feel for you oh oh oh …

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September 23rd, 2007

Time: 10:32 pm

I'm alone in my house and my dog is going nuts downstairs barking, im scared to go downstairs and see what he is barking at. As much as I try to hide it...I hate being alone, in every single aspect of the word, and right now that is all I seem to be...alone.

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September 22nd, 2007

Subject: Pisses me off. Time: 03:31 am Current Mood: irritated

Ya know what I would like to know? Alot of guys that im "friends" with will always talk so much shit about other girls when i'm around. Like, oh wow shes ugly, fat ect. Now what I want to know is what the hell do you think of me? I know im not the skinniest of the bunch and im certinly not pretty, why do you talk all this shit? I just dont understand. It makes me very angry. We were at the bar the other night, and Tom dared Jeff to go up to this rather large and very unattractive girl and get her number. Now why would you do that, what is the fucking point??? You know you are not going to call her. Just to make her feel like shit because she will know its a joke. Just give me your number Jeff, im the same as that girl, but I already know that you are an asshole. Its like they get a laugh at this poor girls expense. I just hate people who are so fucking shallow like that, in all aspects. Now dont get me wrong I yelled at them and wouldnt talk to Tom for a bit because it really pissed me off, there is just not reason for it. So they were talking shit again last tonight, Tom and Andrew about someone, near and dear, you gotta do that infront of me? You know how I feel, and I was like damn guys, I wonder what you really think of me? And of course "ohh no tee, your this and your that" Yeah cause im sitting right there in front of your face. LIke your fucking brad pitt that you can put other people down. Fuck off.

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September 12th, 2007

Subject: Just another song.... Time: 10:43 pm Current Mood: I miss you..

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy Your fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind Images You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes Clever trick Well, I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me Images And when you left, you kissed my lips You told me you would never, ever forget These images Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning Without you on my mind So you're gone and I'm haunted And I bet you are just fine Did I make it that Easy to walk right in and out Of my life? Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do

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